dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
