im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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