The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
