I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
