uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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