so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
