If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
