You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
