some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
