I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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