You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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