my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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