Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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