i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
