I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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