Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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