i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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