Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
a search helicopter?!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
