I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
