I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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