Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
