When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
