You're my little dorito
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
