At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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