I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
