i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
