dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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