she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
soo... how was my night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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