Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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