He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
