I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
