he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
third nipple confirmed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
