On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
