I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
