i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
