when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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