get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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