they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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