Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
