guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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