I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
