Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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