Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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