We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
