Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
