He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
