I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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