Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
