his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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