At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
