apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
