she woke up with a sticky ear
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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