susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
