In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
