guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
