Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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