i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Its about making memories worth repressing
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
