I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
