hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
