Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
