you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I want to be your penis for a week.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
