whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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