Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
