I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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