I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
