He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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