Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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