I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
