I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
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Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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