last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize