i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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