My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
