break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
