I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
