bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
