I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
