Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
