I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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