Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
